‘COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG’ by Victor Kinsman ©
( Featured on ‘Blue Planet Blues’ album / A Royal Wedding Souvenir song)
Would you believe it, Adam 'n Eve it, I'm washin' me Barnet Fair
When I hears the phone, the Dog 'n Bone, So I goes dahn the Apples 'n Pears
I sez 'Who's that?' , an’ quick as a flash, this voice sez 'You Jack Jones?'
I sez 'Of course', well ya know I fawt, 'e meant 'Are you alone’
The voice sez “Quick, don’t wait a tic, get on your Plates of Meat
We’re waitin’ ‘ere for you my son, dahn Vic-tor-ia Street
Today’s the day you get your prize, come on now look sharp
Tell the cabbie we’re in the ‘Abbey’, and do wear something smart”! ...well …………..
(Chorus) Boomerang, Davld Hockney's Frying Pan
Boomerang, with Cockney Rhyming Slang
Well I dries me Loaf, an’ swallows me toast, I puts on me Whistle 'n Flute,
Me Dicky Dirt, that new pink shirt, an’ me size ten Daisy Roots
I calls the taxi, the old Joe Baxi, the driver sez 'Where to? '
I sez “The Abbey, Victoria Street”, 'e sez 'Well good for you!”
So we Chews the Fat, baht this an' that, one fing an' anuvver
It turns out we're related frew me auntie's, uncle's, bruvver
Then 'e stops the car, the old Jam Jar, 'e sez 'Right son we're 'ere'
So I pays me fare wiv a couple to spare fer a pint of Britney Spears!' ………...(Chorus)
Well I ask’s arahnd fer this ‘Abbey’ place finkin' it's a pub
It turns aht it’s that great big church, it’s not a Rub a Dub
So I wanders in, and fru’ the din, this bloke sez “You Jack Jones?“
I sez 'Of course”, well again I fawt, 'e meant 'Are you alone?'
'He sez 'you’ve cut it fine my son, the bride has just arrived
So find your pew, its there for you, in front row number 5”
So I takes a walk a ‘Ball of Chalk’ dahn the centre aisle
Wavin’ to the TV camera’s, an’ givin’ ‘em all a smile”! …………………………....(Chorus)
Suddenly just as I sits dahn, the organ plays a fanfare
An' what a shock a Camden Lock, when I see who’s all sat there!
All in line, dressed to the nines, the family from the Palace
I fawt 'I don't believe all this, I feel a bit like Alice!
Well before ya know it, there they are, the blushin’ bride an' groom
Prince William an’ ‘is Lady Kate wiv all the 'owd'ya do's
Goin’ frew the nuptuals, his best man there young Harry
So now he’s got his Trouble ‘n’ Strife’ and they’re both Cash ‘n’ Carried!........( Chorus)
Well me Ol’ Mince pies, they doubled in size, when this lady turns to me
I only need one Butchers Hook to see Her Majesty
She sez “They tell me your Jack Jones, did you enjoy the wedding?”
I said ‘ Yes Ma’am, I loved it all, but there’s somethin’ I’m just dreadin’
So I starts explainin’ baht me name ‘ow its all a big mistake
But she sez “ Don’t you worry Jack, havin’ you ‘ere, is just great!
Someone had get those invitations, sent by Wills
So you’re the welcome commoner to share our day of thrills !”……..……………….(Chorus)
To cap it all, these limo’s call, to whisk us all away
An I near dropped dead, ya know ‘Brahn Bread’ when the Duke turns rahnd an’ says
“Come on lets go, lets ‘Scapa Flo’, lets get to that reception
A champaign nosh on table cloth’s wiv the silverware collection
So would you beleve it ‘Adam n’ Eve’ it,’ ow fings change in one day!
‘Cos I was Skint, ‘Boracic Lint’ , with only bills to pay
But since that ‘Dog ‘n Bone’ first rang, look ‘ow things turned rahnd
Wiv a few mistakes, an’ a lucky break, and Cockney Rhymin’ Slang! ……………(Chorus )
…………………………………………. End ……………………………………………….
Copyright / Money Spider Music © All rights reserved
Back to Blue Planet Blues Lyrics
Follow